Leaving my dojo

Five years ago I had to leave my dojo because my studies took me to England. Now I'm doing the same thing again, leaving my dojo and going to another country. Before the last trainings at the dojo in Wimbledon I had been wondering if the two leaving experiences would be very similar.

When I left my first dojo in Veszprem I didn't have a lot of experience in life in another country than my own. I didn't know what to expect in England, I didn't know if I can find any dojo I can train in, I didn't know anyone in the new country. Leaving was a quite emotional experience inside and outside of the dojo. I used to be the student who had been called out to be an uke most of the time. I really liked the people and the sensei as well. We used to be neighbours with Connor the sensei of the dojo. We used to go for a beer and a good talk after trainings with many of the dojo members. So when Connor announced that he sort of wanted to dedicate my last training to me I was hardly able to hide my emotions. I felt I was one single moment from starting to cry. I tried to hide my possibly showing tears and hoped that people would think it's sweat. I felt really hot from the inside, it was kind of a fever I would think. Then everyone wished me well at the end and I left. Later, when my then fiancee (now wife) came after me to England she brought me a laminated group photo of members of the dojo, signed by all the people there and full of good wishes. We were in our small room, and after switching off the lights at night I started crying. The new country was so different, I couldn't find a dojo I liked or could afford, we had to live in a very small room and I missed home, my family and my dojo.

After two years of aikido inactivity I met Karesz and together with some people we had known from older times (training camps, open days, seminars, etc.) we started a dojo. I trained in the dojo lead by Karesz for more than 3 years and I became attached to it. It wasn't always easy to cope with the "I think I can simply not improve" moments but I think I managed to find a way to get most of the dojo life. Some time before leaving - from around one or two months ago - I started feeling that I was making good improvements. I felt Karesz's teaching could reach me much better and he seemed to change his teaching style that was really helpful for my development in aikido techniques. I started seeing what he had been talking about years ago: seeing in advance how uke's body will move. There were only moments when I could see these things but it was inspiring. I also started to feel that I could work with members of the dojo better, that I could find a learning point when I trained with anyone. Although I couldn't go for a beer after training (I always had some excuses but the reason was mainly financial) we still talked with the other students and we became friends. I enjoyed the Kids Aikido trainings and the Connection Training sessions although I never had many people there.

So when I got the job offer in Amsterdam I immediately thought that the only things I would miss would be friends and the dojo. I tried not to think about the date of my last training so I didn't need to cope with my emotions early. The first sign of the end of my days in Wimbledon was the last Kids Aikido training. There were my 'core' two students and we had a great time although, as usual, the training didn't go even close to what I had planned. After many requests starting with "can we do the exercise in which..." I decided to give up my original plans and make the last training Aiki in the sense that we would emphasise cooperation and agreement. We agreed that I show an exercise that everyone follows and then the kids can show an exercise the want to practice and we do that together. The only restriction was that the game or exercise had to be connected to aikido. They came up with techniques and exercises we had done before and with new games they had just made up. Everyone seemed to be happy and we enjoyed the last training. At the end, after the usual meditation, I talked a bit about the importance of cooperation, I think I mentioned the word harmony once. Then we bowed towards the kamiza and then towards each other. We said domo arigato gozaimashita. I bowed for unusually long time and thought that this had been my last kids class for a good while and I learned a lot from the experience, from my assistants, and most of all from the kids. Then we stood up, bowed again and I wished them to find a good dojo soon. I received a bottle of wine from one of the parents of the kids and I was really happy that they had appreciated our trainings. I shook hands with the parents and kids (as a bit of a European type of appreciation), told them a couple of words about what I liked in their aikido behaviour and then they left.

There was another stage of my last trainings. As Karesz was away, I was selected to take my last Sunday training. We did ikkyo and I really enjoyed trying to teach the 'soft side' of aikido to others. After the end-of-training meditation - as I wasn't sure if they would be there at my very last training and if I would have time to say thanks to all of them the following Wednesday - I told them that I had learned a lot from them, I had liked training with them, I appreciated their patience when I had taken trainings before and I hadn't been so techniqually good, and that I would miss them. Then we bowed, stood up and I was really embarrassed because they started to applaud me. This should only happen if the master if of a very high grade so I took it as a sign that they would also miss me as training partners and friends. I received a hand-made card from one of them which I still appreciate very much. After training we went for a beer (mine was paid for by one of the others) and we had a nice talking session about aikido and many other things.

My last training was on a Wednesday. The training wasn't as emotional as the one 5 years before that, probably because I knew myself better now and because there were some stages of my leaving. I also prepared mentally because I knew about the tradition of Karesz that the person leaving would be called out a lot and be thrown a lot of time so he could make sure the experience was memorable. I got some of that and I liked it. At the end of the training, Karesz said a couple of words about how I was there when we started the club and how much I had improved since. Then they presented a card to me, signed by all the people, a short message to every signature, and even an SMS message sent by someone being away was copied into the card. I thanked them all by bowing and I was really happy to receive something the would go into our memory box. Then we finished the training by bowing. I wanted to say domo arigato gozaimashita very loudly but I chuckled when I tried it first. Then I tried it again and thanked for everything I had received there.

After training, we went for a beer, talked, shared how much we appreciated being able to train and develop together. We shook hands and hugged when it was time to part.

I'm in a new country now, looking for a new dojo. I hope to find something that I like, and I hope I will be able to visit my old dojo in Wimbledon just like I visit my old dojo in Veszprem whenever I go near. I'm also hoping to invite my old aikido friends to where I'm going to continue my aikido studies (yet to be found). I will definitely miss my now old club.

P.S.: Since writing this post on my laptop (but without Internet connection to post it) I think I have found a dojo that I will stay with. More about the searching process and the new dojo in my next posts.